Barbara Walters • Jackpot Criminality • The End of American Empire • And Reading a Horoscope in Five Minutes!

But wait, there's more: A Big Beautiful (Death) Bill celebration with significant astrology markdowns on WOODRUFF subs and astro sessions!

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ASTROLOGERS MICHAEL LUTIN and David Roell left a shimmering void in the astro realm after they passed in 2024 and 2014, respectively. And both men influenced me greatly. I’m going to talk about them a little today.

Lutin’s straight-forward astrological insights, combined with his ride-light-in-the-saddle insouciance, were inimitable. His humor was madcap and extraterrestrial. He was wildly active on social media and effortlessly deflated the preening within a community filled with individuals who often sniped at each other to defend their particular take on the art.

But Michael laid out a wide berth of passage for everyone and every ‘school’ with a sort of ‘do what works for you’ attitude. Beneath that, I sensed a strong ‘nobody really knows’ stance that I relished, as it mirrored my own.

I mention Lutin today because I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve revisited his take on the US horoscope that was his last great piece of stellar writing while working as the in-house astrologer at Vanity Fair. I wanted to reread that essay again last night, after Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill was passed by Congress, but couldn’t gain access.

If Michael were alive today, he would list that legislative act as a final death knell for the US. Frustrated, I resorted to the Wayback Machine to offer me a fucking screen cap¹ to highlight the paragraphs I wanted to share with you. Mike wrote back in 2007:

Pluto in Capricorn is going to change America from the inside out, threaten our very existence, challenge our economy, and divide the country politically. The government is going to be so paranoid during those years that it doesn't really matter who gets in in 2008.

Uranus in Aries is going to be the 1960s all over again. The greatest time of upheaval will be between 2015 and 2019, when the square of Uranus in Aries to Pluto in Capricorn will create the seeds of revolution everywhere. Forces of repression are going to clamp down even harder on those who want to speak their minds.

Then, in the years 2023–25, the final stages of the Pluto return and the Capricorn effect will reach a climax. Some astrologers believe that an empire lasts no longer than one Pluto cycle, and by 2025 this cycle will be played out. And no matter how you look at it, the U.S.A. is an empire.

David Roell was a chimerical Aquarian creature—unlike any I’d ever met in my life. And I’ve been hobnobbing with astrologers since I was in high school. I’ve written at length about Roell before. And I thought of him this morning (and his unique rule of learning how to read a chart in five minutes) after watching Hulu’s stellar documentary on Barbara Walters, titled Barbara Walters: Tell Me Everything.

The documentary shouldn’t be missed, especially if you need a reminder of how long it took a woman to bust into the cigar-chomping Boys Club within big media. That a female—and not another avuncular dude—might sit at an evening news desk generated outrage and piggish behavior within the various networks Walters ping-ponged between. Watching the doc re-agitated a question that’s occurred throughout my life. Namely, how is it more women have not committed murder while confronting the hegemony older white men hold on the sociocultural realm?

Anyway, I immediately put up Walters’ chart and applied Roell’s rule of reading a chart in five minutes. Yes, kids, this works. Let’s try it.

As I mentioned the other day, astrology, as a lens to interpret and reframe reality, provides us with an impersonal and amoral order to work from. This is critical to remember because it trains us in the art of taking things in stride when we might have another wish or preference at play in our lives.

Astrologers need to keep their particular prejudices and predilections out of the mix (hard to do, as I know well). The way humans anthropomorphize the style and behavior of the lights and planets is an astounding act of projection. But then eons of observation and the mysterious creation of myths combined with magical thinking have propelled this practice.

I’ve lived with enough tragedies in my life to dispel hackneyed takes from the traditional school of astrology. Meaning, what would normally be considered ‘beneficial’ or ‘exalted’ events or placements in the chart, were indeed the opposite. And vice versa. As I told my friend Jessica Murray the other day, it’s surprised me, while studying death charts, how often Jupiter is involved as a trigger. Long-distance journey’s anyone? Makes sense.

This bit of amazement thrilled me the other day, while considering this article about a serial criminal who, throughout his life, garnered a 16-page rap sheet and a dizzying record. Through his misadventures, he consistently bucked reformation and then, finally, as a sort of raspberry to the universe, went on to win the Kentucky lottery for 167 million dollars.

I’d sacrifice a small infant to have access to his birth data, but instead I looked up the chart for the moment I encountered this news on the Smoking Gun website.

Doing this aligned with astrologer Geoffrey Cornelius’ take on what he called the ‘moment of astrology,’ which has more to do with the astrologer’s relationship to a particular fragment of time than an actual natal horoscope assigned to a particular person. This involves engaging with astrology in a way that pulls one into the body of time—a particular ‘now’ of which astrology is a key component.

In some ways, this mirrors the power of horary astrologer, but actually, there is something more mysterious and roundabout at play. I see it as another way of evoking the muse, but that’s an article for another day.

The above chart is for the moment I read the article. And not surprisingly, we find Mercury (patron saint of thieves and mischief-makers) conjunct the ‘larger than life’ (as Leo is) ascendant. The news was introducing me to a one-of-a-kind character/trickster.

I immediately searched for where Venus (money) was positioned, and there she was conjunct Uranus (surprise and exaggerated mutation) in Taurus (more money), tumbling right into the wishes fulfilled realm of the 11th house. Both planets were also trine to another big money planet—Pluto—on the descendant. Which plays into this comment that was left at the end of the article:

This guy has enough money now to buy a pardon from Trump if he gets hit with federal charges. It has worked out for other “donors.”

There’s more to read from this chart, but I’ll leave it to you to mine some of the other markers of this crazy-ass character, which made me laugh. With Trump never far from one’s consciousness (goddess help us) it’s easy to see this story as another echo of how indescribable luck and criminality can combine.

Finally, in celebration of the July 4th holiday weekend (while mourning the passage of Trump’s Big Beautiful Death Bill), I’m offering several markdowns here on WOODRUFF.

All year-long subscriptions are now 25% off until Sunday night.

And first time astrology sessions with me, are also discounted 25%.

And returning clients can take advantage of this discount, too.

I’m looking forward to welcoming more of you to the inner circle of WOODRUFF and working with you as we explore your own moment of astrology together.

Love,

Opening image: via my Crap Hound clip art collection.

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• The 12th House: Astrology’s House of the Rising Sun

1. I’d wanted to link to the article, but, like 80% of critical content online today, it’s placed behind a paywall. It’s sad that this is the common take with important info online. But I get it, as someone who makes a living from his writing. BUT, I also grieve the arrangement because, well, we have paywalls to thank, in some respects, for Trump’s re-election. Over the 18 months, low info-voters were relegated to spammy ‘free’ websites that depended on rage bait to deliver their ads. That combined with the myriad of bro-MAGA podcasts that pumped their heads full of bullshit made for a lethal one-two punch to the brain.